it feels good, or at least better

I just put a post on Jillian's site about where my brain is. It seems like lately I'm really pushing the self abuse on myself. It's a combination of getting this big again and feeling like I'm just showing mom's attitude to be right. I am a fat slob, I am worthless, I know ... no one loves fat people.

What happened to the fighter in me? What happened to the woman who knows her mother is full of shit so full it oozes out of her ears? What happened to the person who was able to scream

fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you!

to her mother and her attitude?

Even more so, how do I find that woman again?